If you’re simply defining a “cougar” as a woman of a certain age group, then you can find them any place in the world, and in every social or professional context. They’re at your office, your college (as professors), your restaurants, and your coffee shops.
However, these are all AWFUL places to find older women for sexual purposes. The fact is that not every older woman is looking for sex from a younger guy, and you can waste a lot of time, energy, and embarrassment barking up the wrong tree.
So first off, here are the main places you are not going to hit on cougars:
Find & Date Cougars NOT YOUR OFFICE – Hitting on girls at your office is sketchy to begin with, and can result in a number of problems, including sexual harassment complaints and firings. You (or your employer) can even be sued. If you’re hitting on an older woman and someone else notices and says something, you can get in trouble even if she kept her mouth shut and was enjoying the attention. Leave your workplace alone.
Find & Date Cougars NOT YOUR PROFESSORS – It’s every college boy’s dream to sleep with the woman who wields the almighty grading score. You can just imagine sitting in your lecture hall, thinking “I’m tapping that,”while confidently knowing your C+ has become an A for your “extra credit.”
Sorry to pop your bubble, but this is another AWFUL idea. If a woman has this kind of power over your future jobs and grad school applications, why in the world would you risk messing that up for a quick lay? So much can go wrong with this that you’re better off keeping the student-teacher relationship pure and going after other women.
There are two main places where you’re most likely to find cougars to have sex with:
Bars (Karaoke and Traditional)
Find & Date Cougars Online Dating Sites with Cougars
I’m going to cover all “in person” first meetings in this chapter and put the online stuff in the one that follows. Once you get to the actual “date,” or leave the bar to take her home, the structure is pretty much the same.
Find & Date Cougars Karaoke Bars
Far and away, the easiest physical place to pick up a cougar is a karaoke bar. The environment is fun,and when you walk in, people are already acting silly and stretching out of their comfort zones. A woman who might think she’s “beyond” hooking up with younger guys will get in the spirit of the moment and make out with a college frat boy while her friends cheer on.
You can simply just work the room while other people sing, but you gain a lot of points at a karaoke bar by getting on stage and singing at some point in the night. For best results, sing songs of a sexual nature from the 70’s and 80’s.
“Only the Good Die Young” by Billy Joel is one song that will drive a lot of older women wild. It’s a classic about a guy trying to get a Catholic virgin to have sex with him. No matter what age she was when she first heard it, it was still on the radio when she was first blooming as a sexual being.
Other top picks are any songs from the 1980’s glam rock era. Mötley Crüe, Def Leppard, Poison, and Bon Jovi are great picks. Poison and Mötley Crüe have especially sleazy lyrics that will get cougars salivating.
Your best approach is to make your rounds around the karaoke bar well before you sing. In these kinds of places, it’s very easy to start conversations with strangers. You can break the ice with any group simply by saying “What are you singing?”
You’ll find you have some immediate attraction from some women already, just by making the rounds.It’s important that you do this before you sing, because if you make your first approach directly after you get off the stage, it will look like you only had the balls to say hi because you got a confidence boost from being on stage. You’re better off setting the standard that you’re confident already, and then have it be an added bonus that you can sing.
While you sing, any sexual body language you can throw into the performance will pay off. If you have a good moment to crotch grab or do a pelvic thrust, do it. You don’t lose any points for being too sexual on stage. You only lose points for playing it too safe. Make good eye contact with the crowd. Most people who get on stage keep their eyes stuck to the lyrics screen, but you have many advantages to looking at the crowd (assuming you know the lyrics well enough to do this). Some cougars watching you sing will be very attracted, and it will be obvious to you just by looking at them from the stage. They’ll be singing along with you, making eyes, and looking like they want to jump your bones.
Once you’ve sung, either return to your friends or take a slow walk around the venue, so it doesn’t look like you immediately dashed to hit on girls. Two minutes later, go up to one of the cougars you talked to before. If there are new cougars who weren’t there before you went on stage, you can go up to them as well, but hit the ones you talked to first.
Most likely, the women will compliment you on your performance. Make a joke with them and suggest you two do a duet. They’ll almost always decline, but will appreciate the offer.
From there, keep talking to them and touch them liberally. Put your arm around them, pull them in close, and be very physically flirtatious. You can actually make out with them in the bar, but it’s easier to do it if their friends are not present. There’s less of a perceived “safety issue” in karaoke bars, so women are much more likely to leave their friends alone to go to the bathroom or get a drink. If a woman is alone, and the touching is going well, it’s fair game for you to kiss her. If three friends of hers are there, you’re better off waiting until you have a little bit more privacy.
The best way to instantly get a woman alone is to suggest she go outside and get some air with you. If you smoke, you can say “Want to go outside for a cigarette?” If you don’t smoke, just say “Let’s go get some air.” When you’re outside with her, keep talking and touching, and go for the kiss. If you don’t get it, but she’s still standing outside with you, then the game is still on. Try again outside, or inside when she’s alone again. You also should make sure to get her number early on in case you two get separated.
I’m now going to cover the traditional bar/club atmosphere. The first twenty minutes of interaction are different between karaoke and traditional bars, and once you get past a certain point (making out, getting a phone number), the method becomes the same.
Find & Date Cougars Traditional Bars
At normal bars and nightclubs, you’re going to have be very aggressive to get your point across. Do not fall into the temptation of being “nice” and “respectful” when talking to a woman fifteen years older than you. You need to have her quickly see you as a sexual being, and make your intentions clear from the first moment.
The most common mistake guys make when hitting on older women is falling into a “younger brother/older sister” mode, where you’re “cute,” but all your endearing traits are absolutely worthless because the relationship is so nonsexual. The only worse thing than this is falling into a mode where she’s acting like your mother.
With older women, a little confidence goes a long way, but you must keep that confidence strong and unwavering throughout the entire night. No matter how good or poor you are with women at this point, a cougar wants to believe that you have your choice of all the hot 22 year-olds in the bar, and you have chosen her.
Go up and introduce yourself with something social. “How’s your night going?” or “What are you drinking?” works.
What’s important is not what you say, but what you’re communicating with the rest of your body during those first five minutes. Put your hand on her shoulder, rub her back, put your arm around her waist.
Bear in mind that with older women, 99% of their relationships with younger men are completely platonic, with neither party aiming for more. If you spend even 15 minutes in that platonic category, it is rough to switch gears to sexual mode. Begin with that end in mind.
Find & Date Cougars Side Note On Married Women
When you’re hitting on older women in bars, I suggest you check for wedding rings right away. There are married women who do go out with their friends, and they LOVE to flirt. Many a time, these women are in boring relationships and miss the spark of being chased and seduced. They’re adventurous enough to give innuendos and physical signs of interest, and even grind with you on the dance floor, but loyal enough to get out of there when you go for a number or pull back to your place. I have an attractive married friend named Carla who’s 41 years old. Her husband works on weekends, so she’s always out at the bars on Friday and Saturday nights.
When we go out, it’s the same damn thing every weekend. Some guy in his 20’s or early 30’s is enamored with her, and is getting all turned on by her compliments and flirty behavior. I tell him “It’s all smoke and mirrors, bro.” Sometimes he gets what I mean, and other times he wastes his entire night hoping to get some. It always ends the same, with Carla giving him a big hug and saying “Nice meeting you!” and never seeing him again.
All this is often avoided simply by looking for a ring.
Are there married women who cheat? Of course. But women who go to the bars looking for affairs will probably leave their wedding rings off anyway, so guys who are on the prowl will still hit on them. One woman I was flirting with at the bar said she was married, and I asked, “Where’s your ring?” She held up her empty hand and said, “I play by my own rules.” I politely excused myself, and I suggest you do the same in similar situations.
There are married women looking for affairs, and it can be tempting to know that they have an incentive to be discreet and will almost never push for a relationship.
At the same time, you’re really playing with fire. Husbands do find out about affairs, and some can get very violent, both verbally and physically. Beyond that, if the couple has kids, you’re going to have both a divorce and a broken family weighing on your conscience. It’s very possible that the marriage was in a moment of weakness and if you’d just walked away, she might have stayed loyal for that week and helped make things work.
Also, if a woman is married and not used to cheating, you’re going to run into more focused last-minute-resistance issues such as “I can’t cheat on my husband.” Are you really going to want to talk a woman into cheating who was about to stay true to her family?
Most importantly, there is such an enormous abundance of single older women available that going after married woman is an unnecessary burden on your karma that you don’t need. Stay clean and stick to single women.
In both karaoke bars and traditional bars, you have the advantage that a woman and her friends know the deal. Gone is the era of promising each other that no one hooks up when they go out. Gone is the “I’m not a slut” excuse for not going home with guys.
It’s a lot more straightforward in the later years. If women in their early 40’s are out, and one of them goes home with a guy, no one judges. Also, if your cougar has a roommate her age when she takes you home, it’s not going to be an embarrassing moment for anyone.
Use all of this to your advantage. Be friendly and cordial with her friends. Remember all their names. If she has male friends out with her, be friendly to them too, but don’t spend much time talking with them.
At the bar, try to move her as many places as possible. Get on the dance floor with her, take her outside to smoke, and buy her a drink, if you enjoy doing that. Buying a drink is FAR from necessary, and can even hurt you if you feel uncomfortable doing it. Women can tell if you resent or wince at putting down the money for a drink. If you refuse to buy her a drink, the worst reaction is she’ll think you’re cheap. If you buy her a drink reluctantly, the worst reaction is that she’ll think you’re both cheap and a pussy.Just do what feels good to you.
Find & Date Cougars Taking Cougars Home
To bring her home, just say, “Let’s get out of here.” At this point, she’ll either say yes or ask you what your plan is. If she asks for more information, say, “We’re going to go to my place to have a drink and just relax.” Don’t outright say you’re going to have sex with her. You want to have at least some ambiguity to what’s happening. Sexual things said overtly in the club can have a negative effect.
A lot of your same-night-pull successes will depend on logistics completely out of your control. If she’s the designated driver and came with three friends, she’s not coming home with you. I don’t care how good your game is. If she’s out with her coworkers, and one of them is the office gossip and the other is her manager, then it’s not happening either.
There are literally hundreds of other possible situations that could make it near-impossible to bring her home that night. This is why this book focuses so much on the “date” instead of the “same-night pull.” When you invite her out, you have everything under control and don’t have to worry about the dozens and dozens of things that could go wrong during a night out.
Still, it’s a good idea to go for the same-night pull, even if it looks unlikely. Just don’t depend on it happening. When you say, “Let’s get out of here,” she may say yes, or she may have to think about it.
This is where it can get interesting.
Remember how I said earlier that cougars “know the deal”? They will often be almost shockingly overt when talking about going home with you.
There was one blonde 42 year-old cougar I was hitting on at the bar who really drove this point home. I suggested we go back to her place (which was a few blocks away), and she said, “I don’t know… I have to get up in the morning…”
Then she said immediately after that, “But then again you are really hot…”
Then “…but I need to check on my friend…”
And on the other hand… “But she seems to be doing ok… so…”
She went back and forth out loud about whether I should go home with her. Finally, we went in to check on her friend, who was making out with another younger guy. After getting practically blown off by her friend, I said, “I think she’s busy,” and she said, “Yeah, I guess that settles it,” and I went home with her.
Remember that while a cougar may blow you away with how direct she is talking about going home together, this is not an invitation to turn it up a notch and talk about how you want to give her great orgasms or break the mattress with her.
Things that come out of your mouth should point to the sexual nature of what’s going on, but shouldn’t literally describe it. If she point blank asks you what’s going to go on at your place or her place, just say “We’re just going to relax and see what happens. Maybe something will. Maybe nothing will happen.I’m okay with both.”
When a cougar gives you an objection about going home with you, you’re going to have to take an honest look whether this is an “I can’t go home with you” objection or an “I’m not interested in having sex with you” objection. While cougars are definitely easier to take home than younger women, it’s easy to fall into the trap of stroking your ego and assuming they’re honored at the privilege of your affection.
Some women won’t like you no matter what. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you, or your game, or even her. Sometimes you are just not a match with her, or at least not a match for her at this point in her life. Take it for what it is, and move on. Your time is always better spent hitting on a cougar who is interested than trying to change a cougar’s mind who isn’t down for you.
Basically, there are three responses a cougar can have to you trying to pull her home. These will be in her head, and not necessarily said out loud.
1. Non-interest: “I’m not really into him. I wish he’d realize this and move on.”
2. Anti-Slut Defense: “He’s soooo cute, but I have to be a good girl. I can’t be going home with random guys. I promised myself I wouldn’t do this anymore.”
3. Logistical Hold-Ups: “Shoot! If only my sister-in-law wasn’t here, I would be so down to ride this player all night. I just can’t disappear with him without being grilled by my family the next day about what went down.”
Of course, these three internal responses can cover a lot of ground. Sometimes the Logistical Hold-Up will be something you never could have guessed. For example, she might simply have not shaven her lower region in the past month and is scared you’ll be turned off when you see her raging bush. Of course, you probably wouldn’t care, but she doesn’t know that. If she’s not “game-ready,” she’s certainly not going to explain the reason why.
In terms of how to respond to these three areas of resistance, the Non-Interest problem is insurmountable, and the Anti-Slut Defense and Logistical Hold-Ups are both solved by getting her phone number and inviting her out another night. You can turn around the Anti-Slut Defense objection if you have good game, but most of the time, if you have bad logistics, you are dead in the water. Because you often won’t know what logistical problem is the issue, you’re better off just getting the number if you have some problematic resistance.
Often you honestly won’t be sure if she’s blowing you off or just has an issue that night. When in doubt, get her number anyway, and invite her out again. If she’s not interested, she’ll reject you outright, or just won’t call you back. Nothing to lose.
The way to ask for her number is very simple. Just say, “Hey, what’s your number?”
If she actually is ready to go home with you, she’ll most likely want to check in with her friends before leaving. There’s a bit of a “moment of truth” here, as her friends may size you up and down to see if they trust you to be good to her for the night. As she talks with them, be friendly but just hang back and let her do all the talking. If there are a couple militant friends who will not let her go with you, for any reason, then just accept it and get her number. The power of a protective (or just jealous and
controlling) friend is too much for you to disarm. If she ends up saying no, ask for her number, and preferably do it where the friends cannot see you two. If the cougar senses that her friends don’t like you, she may be worried for their approval and not want to push things further with you in front of them.
Once you’ve been given the go-ahead from her friends, you can immediately leave with her. Hold her hand and lead her to your car, a taxi, or your place if you’re within walking distance.
From that moment she gets to your place, you follow the strategy in Chapter 8. If you’re at her place, well, it’s a foreign territory, but most of the principles in Chapter 8 should work anyway. It just takes a little more creativity and insight to lay a cougar in her own den.
Find & Date Cougars The “Other Places” to Meet Cougars
In general, any singles event that has multiple age groups is a good shot. For example, there are some speed-dating events where they will have a separate rotation for 20-somethings, 30-somethings, and 40-somethings, but at the same venue. After your speed-dating cycle, you can go meet women from the older groups, who are likely to be very receptive to exchanging phone numbers with you to hang out at a later time.
Additionally, if you look up “Cougar Cruises” in a search engine, you’ll find that there are actually multi-day cruise events specifically designed to hook up younger guys with older women. There are a couple of these a year now, so it’s something worth looking up.